Pikmin: The Real Story
by rock4life18
Summary: This is what really happened.
1. Chapter 1

Olimar was on another delivery and it was awful. He normally enjoyed his job, and usually he could steal from the cargo because it was food or something, but this time he... he couldn't. He was delivering body parts, but not frozen body parts. No, he was delivering _living_ body parts.

Thanks to a sort of new science or something, the freezing of body parts for preservation was no longer needed. The body parts were just adjusted to live on their own, and now there was a huge market for living body parts, which was great for the people who were making them, but not for Olimar. They were really annoying.

The hands kept trying to grope him, the legs kept trying to kick him, the faces were trying to kiss him, and Olimar was about to go insane. He was tempted to pull out a gun and shoot everything in sight, but he controlled himself, so instead he just locked all the body parts in the back of the ship. Unfortunately, a tongue managed to hide from him.

As soon as he sat back down, the tongue threw itself onto the windshield and started licking violently. Then it fell onto Olimar and started licking his face. Olimar freaked out, pulled out his gun and unloaded a clip into it. By the time he was done the tongue was pretty much nothing.

Then Olimar reloaded and went to the back of the ship. He was immediately greeted by the living body parts, but this time Olimar wasn't playing nice guy. No, he was angry. "I wish all of you had nuts... because then I could shoot them. But I'll take what I can get," Olimar mumbled through gritted teeth. Then he shot all of the body parts, and was about to shoot himself, but was halted when the ship crashed. Apparently that happens when nobody's piloting the ship.

Anyways, Olimar had a really poorly made ship so when it crashed it blew apart into about thirty thousand... and three pieces and Olimar was sent flying for a few miles. Luckily for him, he survived, but the force of the explosion knocked him out. In case you don't know what it means to be knocked out, he was unconscious - simple as that.

After a few hours, Olimar woke up. He looked around, and saw that he was on some bizarre planet. "Where am I? Who am I? Why am I?" Olimar stared at his hands for a time, then spoke again, "WHY THE FREAKIN'?" Olimar screamed, and then he totally_ freaked out_. He violently ripped off his spacesuit and clothing and started punching the ground. "Take that you demon! Take that!" After a good ten minutes of nonstop punching and yelling, Olimar started climbing trees and jumping off of them.

"Nothing can stop me now!" he yelled with an evil laugh, "The world is my snail!" Once he had enough of jumping off the trees, he started screaming... very loudly. He screamed so loud and so long that his throat literally started to_ bleed_. I'm not even kidding you. Blood and pieces of his throat actually started flying out of his mouth, and eventually he couldn't even talk. It was pretty intense, and gross... a mix of intense and gross.

Once Olimar couldn't talk anymore, he started sprinting. He was moving as fast as he could possibly go (Take note that Olimar is still naked). Eventually he came to some sort of basin thing. I don't really know what to call it. There was like a giant ten foot hole in the ground that was about the size of a swimming pool in perimeter. I'll just call it, "The Hole of Epic Leviathan People" or H.E.L.P for short.

So anyways, Olimar was running and saw the H.E.L.P ahead of him and he thought to himself, "I'm totally going to jump off that crap!" So he sprinted even faster towards it, but when he saw it was only like ten feet deep he said to himself, "Oh man! That's like... It's like... It's like something! Bro, how am I supposed to kill the woman if I can't even kill the _woman_?" Then he decided to not jump into the H.E.L.P, but unfortunately, he decided not to jump into it after he had already jumped into it, so he fell ten feet and was knocked out. Again.

Olimar is kind of stupid.

When he woke up he saw a piece of his ship next to him. He grabbed it and looked at it. "Woah! That's crazy! I must have landed next to this piece of my ship when I jumped into the H.E.L.P but didn't even notice that I landed next to it because I was delirious from my temporary insanity. Hm... I have to think about this..." So Olimar thought. After a few minutes of thinking he said, "I've got it! I must have landed next to this piece of my ship when I jumped into the H.E.L.P but didn't even notice that I landed next to it because I was delirious from my temporary insanity. I have a plan though! I'll stop freaking out, look for ship pieces, and then fly away!" Right after he said that, he heard a noise behind him and quickly turned around.

There was a creature standing there. It was red, extremely tiny, and it had some sort of stem thing coming out of its head with a leaf at the top. The creature was about as tall as Olimar, including the height of the stem, but the stem basically doubled the size of the creature. "What are you?" Olimar asked. It just stared at him. "Can you talk?" It gave him a blank stare.

This frustrated Olimar, and he became bitter with the creature. "Listen you little piece of crap!" he said very tersely, "You better answer me otherwise I'm going to destroy your nuts!" It still looked at Olimar blankly.

Olimar lost his composure completely and slapped it across its face. The creature's head popped off and blood began to spray from its neck... a lot of blood. It kept coming and coming. Olimar was drenched in seconds. "Ah! What the heck? I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I'll do whatever you want me to do forever! Just please stop bleeding! If you do, I'll give you my nuts!" Of course, that didn't work, so Olimar ran. He went to the edge of the H.E.L.P, climbed the ten foot wall, and then sprinted as fast as he could back the way he came. He ran until he came back to where he tore off his clothes. "What the heck?" he said, "When did I become naked?" Then he shrugged his shoulders and put on his clothes and space suit.

"Now what was I going to do?" Olimar looked around and spotted another piece of his spaceship. "OH THE FRICK YEAH! I was going to rebuild my spaceship. Smart." So Olimar picked up the second piece of his ship and started walking to nowhere in particular.

But as said before, Olimar is pretty stupid so he ended walking back the way he came and he saw the H.E.L.P, but it was filled to the brim with blood and the creature's body was floating in it. "Ew! Gross!" Olimar screamed, while pointing at the H.E.L.P. Then he ran away from it. After maybe an hour of mindless wandering, Olimar came to the entrance of a cave. He decided it would be a good idea to go in, so he did.

The cave was huge, and somehow it was light inside, even though there was no source of light. Olimar stood and stared at the size of the cave. As he was staring like a fool, another creature walked up to him, and it looked exactly like the first one he saw. It pointed at him. "Um... Where did you come from? Can I help you? What are you pointing at? Do I have a booger? I'm sorry! My helmet's in the way so I can't fix it!"

Then a huge group of the creatures came out. There were so many of them, that the creatures filled the cave completely. Also, there blue and yellow creatures, along with the red ones. For some reason, they were all pointing at Olimar. "Why is everybody staring at me? STOP! PLEASE STOP! JUST KILL ME NOW BEFORE SHE COMES HOME!" Olimar started backing up, but there was a creature behind him so he tripped and accidentally fell onto his whistle. All the creatures gathered closer to him.

"What the heck?" he asked. Olimar stood up and hit the whistle again. They didn't do anything. He started walking away from them, but they all followed. He went outside the cave, and the entire group followed him out.

"Well, this is just bizarre," Olimar muttered to himself, "But it gives me an idea..."

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

After finding that his whistle could control the creatures, Olimar decided to see if he could use that to his advantage. He conducted a series of tests and came to the conclusion that the creatures saw him as their leader, and he could use that to make them find and rebuild his ship. Once the ship was complete, he would fly away and never see them again.

"Listen up!" he said to them once his conclusion had been drawn, "I am your master and you will do what I say! Otherwise she'll devour us all!" He received blank stares from all of the creatures. "Ugh..." Olimar moaned while shaking his head, "Ok. First, you have to stop staring at me like that. Otherwise, I'm going to kill you all!" Again, Olimar's reply was a group of blank stares.

Olimar fell to his knees in defeat. "Ah!" he shrieked, "I didn't ask for this! She made me do it! All I wanted was a home... I just wanted a home and she forced me to become this! But I'm coming home! Nothing can stop me... NOTHING!" Olimar began to froth at the mouth, and then fell to the floor. He was shrieking and convulsing, but the creatures continued to stare.

After some time, he saw that the creatures were still staring at him and he immediately stopped. He chuckled nervously, "Nothing's wrong! Nothing at all!" he stuttered as he wiped the froth from his mouth, "That was... that was a test! It was a test to see if... to see how resolute you were and it also tested... um... your loyalty! Yes. It was just a test. Nothing's wrong here!" He cleared his throat, straightened his hair and then continued with his previous orientation, "So back to the rule's and such... I'm not sure there are any more rules but there is one problem that needs to be dealt with. What do I call you?" Olimar waited for a reply, but there was none.

"Ok, well since you've decided to keep quiet, I'll just call you Pikmin. That will be your name for now, and forever. You have become a part of the league. You now have responsibilities. Don't fail me!" Olimar went quiet for a moment and then said, "Now let's stare into the sky, and let this sink into our souls." Olimar looked to the sky, but all of the Pikmin continued to stare at him.

After a few moments of silence, Olimar began to run away and all the Pikmin pursued him. Olimar let out a maniacal laugh but tripped before he could finish laughing. He plummeted to the ground and violently rolled a few feet. "My knee! Why now? Why me? I thought we got over this already! It was a year ago... That's like... almost a year! Get over it already!" Olimar let out a scream! "I don't think I can go on men..." Olimar panted, "You'll have to go on without me until I'm healed. A few of you need to carry me back to the cave, the rest of you go out and find ship pieces. Once you find something bring it back to me and another team will work on putting the pieces together. Now go!" None of the Pikmin moved.

"I said move!" Olimar yelled at them but the Pikmin remained unmoving. Olimar shook his head and put his head in his hands. "Why is this so hard? Why can't they just listen to me?" he muttered to himself. As soon as the words left his mouth, he farted. Immediately, all the Pikmin did what he had asked. "Well... I suppose that works." Then Olimar was carried back to the cave.

After two days Olimar's knee healed, but he fell into laziness and faked injury so that he wouldn't have to do any work. All the Pikmin believed him and kept following his orders day after day. After about two months, they had managed to find and build almost the entire ship, with the exception of three missing pieces. The Pikmin gathered around Olimar and started staring at him again. "Why are you all staring at me again? Shouldn't you be working?" As always, his response was a group of blank stares. "You aren't finished yet so why are you standing there?" he asked the Pikmin firmly. Once again, there was silence.

"You think that you can get away with three missing pieces? Well let me tell you a story! Is that alright? Is story time ok with you? Good! I'm glad to hear that you're all still silent!" Olimar pointed to the sky and then said with great determination in his voice, "There was once a man. He felt the same as you do. He was a little creature, alienated from the rest of the world. He had no home, and he was what we call on my planet, a bum. But alas, he didn't let it get to him and he set out to create _the nuts. _Unfortunately, he thought he could slack off, much like you, and he lost _the nuts _forever!"

Immediately after Olimar finished, he stood up and began walking. "Come with me!" he said, "I'm going to take leadership and get this crap done!" Then Olimar whistled and marched out of the cave. All the Pikmin trailed behind him and as always, they were silent. Olimar and the Pikmin had been marching for around an hour when they arrived at the H.E.L.P. "Wow," Olimar exclaimed, "I haven't been here in forev..." He stopped midsentence as he remembered what happened the last time he had been there. "Oh no..." he said under his breath.

Olimar looked back and saw the group of Pikmin staring at him, but this time angrily. "It... it was an accident!" he chuckled nervously, "I never meant for that to happen. I lost my temper for a second but I didn't know his head was going to pop off! That's just unnatural. I've slapped people in the face plenty of times and that never happened to them!" The Pikmin jumped at him and tied him up. "Ah! What are you doing? I'm your leader! Stop! Obey me!" Olimar screamed. The Pikmin paid no attention to his cries. They simply picked him up and started carrying him back towards the cave.

As they were heading back, Olimar continuously tried to reason with the Pikmin to let him go, and eventually started begging, but their determination was unaffected by his cries. "I didn't mean it!" he screamed as they were entering the cave. "She was just coming home! She was just coming home!" As soon as they entered the cave, the Pikmin threw Olimar to the ground. "I'm an adult!" he yelled at them, "I'm not part of your system!"

They left him lying on the ground and gathered around a pew in front of Olimar's spaceship, where a red Pikmin was standing. "My brothers, it is time!" he yelled. They all began to cheer. As soon as it went quiet Olimar interjected.

"Since when can you talk? You've been lying to me this whole time?"

"Since forever my friend, since forever. Now silence yourself in the presence of our freedom!" The Pikmin then continued with his speech, "We've lived on this planet forever, but now it's time to go and conquer the world. With the help of this poor fellow's space device, we shall leave our planet forever and go live elsewhere! But first we must dispose of this wretch that we've captured. He is a jerk and he has killed one of our own. It is time to devour him. Go now and consume him!" All the Pikmin turned and started walking towards Olimar.

"What? No! Leave me alone!" he shouted frantically. "If you touch me I'll destroy your nuts! Your nuts are mine! Get away! You freaks of nature! I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOUR NU..." Olimar's cry was quieted as the Pikmin killed him and began to devour him. Once they were finished they turned from the corpse and looked back at their leader.

"Now it is time! Board the space thing! We shall be free!" All the Pikmin ran to the ship and went in. Once they were all aboard, their leader boarded the ship as well. He climbed to the cockpit, and started the ship. As he began takeoff, he let out a maniacal laugh, "I'm free! Forever I'm free!" but as the ship was lifting, it started to shake more violently than it was supposed to. "What? What's going on?" the Pikmin said with fear in his voice. "Why is it shaking?"

Little did the Pikmin know, the three pieces that were never found for the ship were necessary for it to function properly. If it had been any other three pieces, the ship would have worked quite well, but these specific three meant the ship was going to fail. As the Pikmin started to scream at the ship to work, it exploded. It broke apart into little pieces again, and all the Pikmin inside were consumed by the explosion.

And thus ended Olimar's life, and the entire Pikmin race forever.

The End

Written by Isaac Gilbert


End file.
